What happens when others deny their responsibility, play the “innocent game” or make you responsible for their own failure?
It’s a great burden to bear, right? There’s a lot of people who want to do nothing and pass their own burdens onto others. Have you met them at all? Someone who gives orders, pretends to be superior, authority figures who deny responsibility, play the dumb game, the victim game, lazy or just an abuser who loves to pass on their debt/pain onto others.
It’s not your responsibility to carry other people’s responsibilities/pain or burden, if you were made responsible for anyone who isn’t your responsibility, then there is the likelihood that you have never learnt boundaries and the knowledge of what is your responsibility and what’s not yours.
Realising what your responsibilities are – is the first step towards having very strong boundaries. Seeing the truth can be difficult, especially, if you believe that certain things are your responsibility when it’s not, it’s also difficult if you were made responsible for too much or too little.
For example, the person who takes and takes, has made the giver responsible for their wealth and energy. The taker then believes that the giver must give and the giver out of their goodness – believes the same.
This becomes a pattern of abuse, over time, the taker expects this giving relationship to keep giving, if the giver realises or stops giving, the taker becomes very abusive. The taker feels a sense of entitlement from the giver, as they (the taker) feel the giver belongs to them or has to sacrifice themself because that was the agreement.
When the giver stops giving or becomes aware of boundaries, the taker can become very aggressive or emotionally manipulative – i.e, “I love you, I will do anything for you, you are my love, you are the only one who can help me, save me, you’re my best friend, you’re the one who rescues me, I need you, I have to be with you, I am better with you and so on …” This is a sign of a one-sided, toxic relationship, because in a healthy friendship, relationship, there is giving and receiving. Both parties contribute equally.
When one gives, the other just takes (I don’t mean receives, but taking implies force) this is an abusive relationship, partnership, friendship and it must be ended. It is your responsibility to know what your responsibilities are and what aren’t yours.
A taker never gives and doesn’t want to give, a taker is in debt usually, has a negative bank account, they take because they have nothing and need to take from others to live. It’s not a choice, it’s a necessity for these entities.
They never learnt to take responsibility, they played the victim, blamed others for their problem and misery and continue to do so. They never say, “well it was partly my fault, because I put myself through this situation …” or if it was a childhood trauma, they will not take responsibility for their pain and suffering in their adulthood and continue to blame others and never do something about it. They still blame others for their own problems.
If traumas occurred in childhood, of course I am not suggesting it’s our fault, but what I am saying is dealing with the trauma, pain and suffering in our adulthood, is our responsibility, it is not someone else’s responsibility to keep filling in our bank of energy, prosperity and happiness. Others will probably do that for a little time, but long term, we have to take responsibility for our health, happiness and well-being.
So, if others keep on transferring their pain onto us, expecting us to sort it out for them, to keep giving to them for them to keep filling their own vessel with nectar, energy and goodness whilst the giver shrivels away, this is abuse and narcissism.
Knowing what is our responsibility and what isn’t, is an art. As long as we look after our own happiness, keep on healing ourself, question our motives for doing things if there is personal gain, if it comes from a clean heart and we give to others with balance (now that we have learnt to take responsibility with giving to others), then we can’t go wrong.
Taking our own responsibilities are essential for a good balanced life. Admitting our fault, seeing the truth of a situation, removing takers from our life, honouring the self with self love and self worth, because when we see those who are in a habit of taking with force and never contributing to our happiness, then, it’s time to let them go, return their own banks of responsibilities to them as it wasn’t our burden to carry in the first place.
Make them responsible for it, stop carrying their pain, horror and abuse as this is toxic and slavery.